Keywords: Graphics - EuroNerd - Microsoft Office Assistants - Homepage design - Miscellaneous - Contact
Q: I see you use Micrografx Picture Publisher/Simply 3D! I have this problem: When
I skiddle the doodadle, the mongittle doesn't do the weedaddle properly, as I thought it
should. Can you help me?
A: Sorry. I use Picture Publisher for fun and don't know all its details. If I can
answer your question, I will, but in general, I think you should find the User Forum at Micrografx' homepage. Access is free
for all registered users, and if you post your problem there, you'll probably get a useful
answer within a day or so. Of course I assume that your copy of PP/S3D is legal :-)
Q: Hey, I see you use Micrografx Picture Publisher/Simply 3D! Do you know any sites
where I can download it for free?
A: Sorry. Picture Publisher & Simply 3D are commercial programs, not free- or
shareware. Most quality computer stores sell the programs, and the price is very
reasonable. You may also check out Micrografx'
homepage for download of fully functional 30-day trial versions.
Q: I like your graphics! May I use it?
A: Sure! As long as you don't use it for commercial, illegal or obscene purposes. But
you can use it for your personal homepage if you like. I'd like to get a mail from you, if
you use one. You don't have to mail me, if you don't want to, I'm just
curious.
Q: I like your graphics! Could you please tell me how I use it for WebTV mail,
Macintosh backgrounds or...?
A: Sorry, there are so many different systems out there that I have no idea of how to
use. Though it may hurt: Read the manual or ask the help file for your system!
Q: EuroNerd 98?
A: Yup. It's old, dusty and senile. I'd love to update it, but simply can't find
time. One day, when it's too embarrassing, I'll probably simply remove it.
Q: I got XX % in the EuroNerd test. Am I normal?
A: The average of all the EuroNerd results is between 30 and 40 %. Macintosh users
get about 20 % (ranging from 15 - 25 %), Windows users 30 - 40 % (ranging from 3 - 90 %)
and Unix users 50 % (ranging from 20 - 90 %). There is no significant difference between
Internet Explorer and Netscape users. Just the information you needed, right? :-)
I've noticed that lots of people end up while searching for Office Assistants with the search engines - but I think you guys will find the info you want (I hope) on my Assistant Page instead.
Q: I like Microsoft Office Assistants. How do I make my own?
A: Office 97: I don't know. Unfortunately :-/
Office 2000, XP, 2003: Office 2000/XP/2003 includes Agents, not Actors, as assistants, and these can be made
at home using your own graphics. You can download a program from download.com called Microsoft Agent
Character Editor. It's free (remember to download the manual too!). And these agents can
be used both in Office 2000/XP/2003 and on the Web and in your own programs. Sounds interesting,
right? But be prepared it's one hell of a job!
Q: I hate the Office Assistants. How do I kill them?
A: Ask Clippit. I'd never kill my assistants.
Q: I somehow managed to uninstall Clippit, but all the other assistants are there.
I can't find any place to download Clippit, and I'm too lazy to look for the Office CD to
reinstall just because of a missing paperclip. Is there a smart way to do this?
A: Yep. Get a copy of the clippit.act file from somebody else (I think this is legal
if your Office in itself is legal). Close all Office programs, and copy clippit.act to the
Actor folder under your Office folder (usually Program Files\Microsoft
Office\Office\Actors) (where the other .act files are stored). Restart Office.
Q: I'm going to upgrade from Office 97 to Office 2000/XP/2003. Can I use the Office 97
assistants in Office 2000/XP/2003?
A: As far as I know, no. The Office 2000/XP/2003 assistants are ActiveX controls, while the
Office 97 are, ehm, something else (a very hush! secret proprietary format).
Q: The sound has disappeared, though the assistants usually "talk". The
other Windows sounds work as they should. What do I do?
A: First of all, check that "Make sounds" is checked for the
assistant. If it is, try closing all Office programs and start again. This may work. If
this doesn't work, my experience says that the following work: Close all Office programs.
Get a list of the running processes on your system (In NT, press Ctrl+Alt+Delete | Task
Manager | Processes). Kill the OSA.exe process. Restart your Office-application.
Q: The assistant in Office 2000 has f***** up - I can see the transparent
shape of the assistant where it used to be. What can I do?
A: Kill the AgentSvr.exe process. Your Office program will tell you that the
assistant is dead (well, it won't use exactly those words), and tell you how to
get it back.
Q: Why this design?
A: Because frames and image backgrounds were hip when it was first created
around 1998... I'd love to convert it all to some sleak streamlined CSS-based
stuff, but it's not the smallest job on Earth to modify about 500 pages.
Q: I see you use FrontPage 98/2000/XP/2003. I have this little problem <insert problem here,
include email with attached files of 1 MB or so>. Can you help me?
A: Sorry, I don't have the time. And I'm not a FrontPage expert, I'm just an
experienced user.
Q: I'm new at making homepages. Would you teach me HTML?
A: If I had the time... but I haven't. There are several ways to learn HTML: Looking
at what other people have done, read a book or try an HTML-editor and examine the code it
produces for you. A combination is probably the best.
Q: Why isn't there any Java?
A: Because I've seen so many private homepages that used Java without any good
reason. When I created this site, I haven't encountered any feature I needed which
couldn't be made with pure HTML, an animated GIF or JavaScript (or maybe ActiveX and
VBScript just for the fun of it - but not on any important pages). Too many pages just use Java because it's cool, and not to make anyhing useful.
Q: Your link to www.yyy.net is dead. Did you know that?
A: Maybe, maybe not. Please tell me about it, so I can fix it!
Q: I tried signing your guestbook, but it failed. What's wrong?
A: You might have encountered the Dark 100 Seconds... these are the seconds when the
webserver shuts down every night at 00:00 (Danish Time) to run various maintenance
scripts. The risk of hitting these less than 2 minutes is of course very small, but not
impossible. Especially if you live in a timezone, where 00:00 (Danish Time) is right in
your normal surfing time.
Q: I tried your ActiveX game, but I couldn't really see anything but text. What's
wrong?
A: The ActiveX game requires Microsoft Internet Explorer 3.0 or later with ActiveX
enabled. It won't run on non-Windows computers or in non-Explorer browsers (I've heard
that you can get an ActiveX plug-in for Netscape, though).
Q: Why isn't there any background music on your page?
A: One word: Argh!
Q: I like your site!
A: Thanks! And you're definitely welcome to write to me and tell me that you like my
site! Or sign the guestbook :-)
Q: I think your pages suck!
A: Well, nobody asked you to stay here...
Q: What's a FAQ?
A: A page of Frequently Asked Questions. It's the page you're looking at now. Duh!
Q: Why "NerdBird"?
A: A friend of mine called me that once. I'm a nerd and my real life name, Lærke,
means Lark (a bird), so I adopted this nickname and decided to use it on the web.
Q: I have a question - can I write to you?
A: Sure, if it's relevant and not already answered in the FAQ, you can
contact me through this page: Contact me..
Q: I have some comments - can I write to you?
A: Like the questions, yes. If they're relevant comments that you don't mind
other people to see and you don't demand an answer from me, I'd rather that you sign
the guestbook. If you want to discuss certain things with (i.e.want my
comments to your comments), do write.
Q: Why did you put your means of contact here?
A: Because I want you to read the FAQ before writing me, and if I put my
address on the front page, you'd never read this, right?
Q: I tried sending you a mail, but it's rejected by your mail server. What's wrong?
A: A very, very few domains are blocked out. We've had some spam problems with lots
of spam coming from a few domains and the administrators of those domains didn't react to
5+ complaints from us. If you're so unlucky as to have an account from one of these
domains, you'll be unable to send me mail. It's a pity that we have to block out honest
users too, but as long as the administrators are so unprofessional when it comes to the
question of spam fighting, it's the only thing we can do.
Q: I remember you used to have another email address called webmaster,
nestmaster.
What happened to that? I don't get any response to mails sent to that account.
A: It's quarantined. As you probably now, humans are not the only entities
surfing the web. There are also some bots, such as EmailSiphon and other
email-"harvesters", that do nothing but look for email addresses and
list them for spammers. My webmaster address ended up on several spam lists, and
being quite tired of that, I decided to let it hibernate for a while.
If you came directly to this page from an extern link/search engine, click here to go the NerdBird's Nest.